At the back of her neck
by toomuchchampagne
Summary: A short Dana character study, taking place during New car smell. Dana's life had been turned upside down enough for her to recognize an earth-shattering kiss. DanaxFinn, and some Nick. Spoilers for A New Car Smell.


Disclaimer : I own nothing.

A/N : So when I saw there were no Dana fics out there I had to write one. Those last episodes were too beautiful not to write something about them anyway, I just didn't think I would be posting it.

Spoilers up to Q and A.

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Doom is in the back of her mind, always.

Doom is this feeling that started the first time her father was deployed. Doom is the feeling that overpowered everything else when he didn't get back.

Doom is this looming presence behind her neck that she can never quite shake away, no matter how much she drinks or what she smokes to alleviate it.

It didn't go away when her father came back either.

Xander tries to soothe Doom away this morning, the way he has so many times before. But it's different now. Her life is different. Even if she was tempted to forget it, here under their tree, Dana's uniform is heavy against her skin to remind her of how much has changed.

Xander's sweet words are a weight now too. She used to get high on them but that time is long gone. She doesn't know when it changed exactly. Maybe when she started keeping her father's secret from him.

But that's not all it is. Not anymore. Not now that there is Finn.

He's fascinating like a distorting mirror. She can't take her eyes off of him, trying to figure out which parts are her and which are a twisted reflection. She hasn't figured him out yet, but she looked enough to know that he has a doom of his own, she can see it in the way his eyes darken whenever his father is mentioned.

With a thrill she runs after him, away from Doom. Maybe if she's fast enough, she can leave it behind.

She chases him to the Washingtom Monument in the night.

She feels like she's drunk by the time they reach the top, except it's a thousand times better. She's never seen anything so magical. But he could have taken her anywhere it wouldn't have made a difference. The magic is in the night, in the DC sky and in him.

She wishes he could see that. So she tells him. Sort of.

And now he looks at her with this pure, hungry look saying so much and nothing at all.

Everything disappears, her dad, her mom, Xander, even her sweet-hearted stupid little brother, all the secrets and political intrigues of those last months.

He kisses her.

But everything cannot disappear forever and so after a brief perfect moment of his lips on hers Xander is here again.

So she stops. And she's right, she knows she's right. Xander, it wouldn't be right. It would be like the CIA woman thing, even if Xander and Dana are far from married, barely dating, she never wants to be like that.

And when she tells him, Finn understands.

"I want to be your boyfriend," he says. Not just 'who cares, lets fuck at the top of the empty Washington Monument' like any other teenage boy would have said.

Because it really was something more. A moment. Not just his lips on her, it was souls touching too.

Because he understands every layers of Dana, while Xander only sees a few, and he broke them all down to reach further inside with his kiss.

I know you, it says. I want to know you. I want to be with you. I already am.

But reality comes back, and she has to push him away to do things right. And she realizes, Doom was here the all time-waiting-lurking in the shadows of her mind-she was just to blinded by the light of DC illuminating their kiss and burning up her world to see it.

But later when he smiles, her Doom leaves her, unclouding Dana's mind to go descend upon her father's as a dark hood is pulled down his face.

_Night tj_, she texts back even later, before falling asleep to Doom-free dreams for the first time in years.

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A/N : What did you think? I need to know. Dana is a hard character to write because she's such a teenager and at the same time she's so much more. The show and the actress are so brilliant I would hate to fail them. I write this in their honor, and it can't hold the comparison, but I would love to know that I touch another Homeland fan, or just get some feedback on how to write Dana in your opinion.

So please, review.


End file.
